~Can You Tell Me?~

Hey boy,

Do you know if it’s possible for me to smile?

If you do can you tell me how?

You’re optimistic,

And I’m the opposite,

Despite that you keep coming back to my side,

Trying to fix the broken light of my realm,

I’m not saying that I’m “unhappy”,

I just can’t see why you would bother with me,

Trying to teach me how to fly,

Taking me to new places,

Buying me popsicles,

Making me happy inside…

I’m sorry,

It just scares me,

The idea of getting attached to you…

I’m just scared that one day you’ll stop,

And I will go back to being lonely again,

Only this time hurting much worse,

Can you tell if you’ll do that?

Can you tell me why you try to make me smile?

Can you tell me?

Can you tell me?

….

——————————

Can you tell me if this bought tears in to your eyes?

I was making up some kind of love story in my head with imaginary characters when I came up with this. Originally I was thinking of making a love song, but then I thought that it sounded too stupid.

So I made it onto a poem.

I Keep Going On…

I try to walk up,
Step by step,
But this staircase seems endless,
I’ve already lost a leg waking up,
Left behind,
Never able to reattach it,
But it’s impossible for to go back now,
Because at the end of this staircase,
I know I’ll find the heaven I’m looking for…

I keep going on,
Now I’ve lost my sight,
I cannot see where I step,
But no matter,
I will feel my way through,…

I keep going on,
Now I’ve lost my heart,
I don’t care,
I’ll keep going on,…

I tried going on,
I failed,
Everything feels numb,
I can’t care about it,
I should have known when to stop…

What We Are…

We are puppets,
With unseen strings God made us hold,

We are dolls,
With make-ups that are emotions,

We are lonely,
Our walls are up,

We are darkness,
Shunning others for their light,

We are despair,
Crying in our black nights,

We are human,
We live in our ignorance…

What I Would Rather See

I would rather see a world
That I hope it exists
A world within the world we see,
That is mysterious,
Silent,
And peacefull…

I would rather see a world,
That is of ancient time,

Where the words, “greed”,
“Selfish”,
“Jealous”,
“Corrupted”,
“Mad”,
“War”,
And “Sin” does not exist…

I would rather see a world,
Where we could survive without corrupting others,

Where there is such thing as “Magic”,
“Paranormal”,
“Equal”,
“Purity”,
“Caring”,
“Loyalty”,
“Light”,
And “Balance”.

A world, I hope it exists,
A world I hope God will one day make for us,
Is what I would rather see.

If You Feel Like Pouring Down The Rain…

When you walk down the halls

Haters gonna hate

When you get close

You will be pushed away

When you stand up

You will be kicked down

If you become tired of that,

Rip out your memories,

Throw them in to the burning fire

Turn your back and let it burn

Before you feel like pouring down the rain

Never show them your true face

Never care about the **** you have to take from them

Just walk away

Just walk away

And never look back

‘Cause you don’t want to see them

Never make a ‘nobody’ a ‘somebody’

Because you will get NOTHING in return

Never pull down the walls,

Don’t ever think about moving them a inch

‘Cause between them will be your only safety

Never smile

Never cry

Just be stone

Until the day you die…

_____________________

Wow, that was kind of depressing…

I even felt like crying myself…

Today the sky seemed a bit gloomy and I was listening to this new song called ‘Live Like a Warrior’ Nightcore version, and I said to myself ‘Irem, you just got yourself a idea, now you’re gonna go and write that poem.’

And sit turned out like this.

Hope you guys like it!!!

My Favourite Songs!!!

Don’t you dare forget the sun by Get Scared

Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez

Black Paper moon by Tommy heavenly6’s (Used as Soul Eater’s opening song)

Resonance by T.M.Revolution (Used as Soul Eater’s opening song)

0.00 A.M. by Acid (Used as Tokyo Majin’s opening song)

“Prayer” by Acid (Used as Tokyo Majin’s opening song)

Hayalet Alice’in Doğuşu (Türkçe Ödevi)

Alice uyandığı andan itibaren kendini garip hissediyordu. Bu hissi bir türlü üzerinden atamamıştı, hatta zaman geçtikçe daha arttı. Ne zaman okuldan tanıdığı bir arkadaşı ile takılmaya çalışsa ya onu göremiyorlar ya da o içlerinden geçiyordu. Öğretmenleri ile kendi ailesi bile onu fark etmedi. Bunun üzerine sırf diğerlerin dikkatini çekmek için bazı eşyaları kırmaya ya da hayatında hiç yapmadığı yaramazlıkları yaptı, ama genede işe yaramadı, çünkü tüm canlı ve cansız cisimlerin içinden geçiyordu.

Tüm gün boyunca bu böyle sürdü, ta ki bir küçük çocuk onla konuşuncaya kadar, “Merhaba, sen kimsin?” annesi çocuğuna endişe ile baktı. “Eric, kimle konuşuyorsun?” Alice cevap verdi. “Benimle konuşuyor…” ama tabii ki duyulmadı. “Ordaki abla ile.” Anne oğlunun işaret ettiği tarafa, yani Alice’in bulunduğu kısma baktı ama kimseyi görmüyormuş gibiydi. “Ama orda kimse yok?” “Ben burdayım. Kanlı canlıyım. Neden beni görmüyorsün?” Alice onu duymamış kadının oğluna doğru yürüdü. “Ve bu küçük oğlun görüyor?” artık kendi kendine konuşmaya başlamıştı. Eric ona soru dolu bakışlarla bakarak kafasını yana eğdi. “Abla, sen bir hayalet misin?”

Alice uzun bir sessizlikten sonra tekrar konuştu. “Bilmiyorum.” kafasını geriye doğru eğip ışıldayan dolunaya baktı. “Belki yıldızlar bana söyler.” kafayı yemişti, ondan kesinlikle emindi. Bu düşünceden bir an sonra gökyüzünde bir ışık patlamasına bakarken bir an kör oldu.

Gözlerini açtığında kendisini bir çay masasının önünde otururken buldu. Masanın öbür tarafında uzun şapkalı bir adam vardı, Alice bir an kendisinin ‘Harikalar Dünyasında’ olabileceğini düşündü. “Güzel bir tahmin Alice, ama tam olarak doğru değil.” Alice hemen masadan kalktı. “Adımı nerden biliyorsun? Nerdeyim? Neden kimse beni göremiyor?”

Adam elini kaldırıp onu susturdu. “Senin adını Ölülerin Defterinde görmüştüm. Burası zaman ve mekan anlamının olmadığı bir yer. Ve şu ana kadar tahmin etmiş olduğun gibi öldüğün için seni kimse göremiyor.” sonra ekledi “Bir takım istisnalar var ama.” sonra masada duran çayını sakin sakin, sanki açıkladığı şeyler çok doğalmış gibi yudumlamaya devam etti.

Alice kekelemeye başladı “A-ama benim bir hastalığım bile yoktu, yaralanmış bile değildim, nasıl ölü olabilirim?…” “İşte bizim aklımızı kurcalayan soruda o. Diğer soru ise senin ölü olmana rağmen neden kapıların sana daha açılmamış olması.” Alice soru dolu bakışlarla ona baktı. “Normalde ölen kişiler arasında buraya gelen pekte fazla kişi yok, siz ölümlülerin dediği gibi ‘Harikalar Dünyası’ gibi görünen bu yer aslında seçilen kişilerin geçebildiği bir dünyadır, senin gibilerin.”

Alice kafası daha fazla karışmıştı şimdi. “Ama… ben sadece tekrar görülmek istiyorum…” dedi. Adam omzunu silkti “Eh, burada yeni dostlar edinip eski hayatını terk edebilirsin. Böylece biz ölümsüzlerden biri olursun, buradayken herkes seni görebilir.” adam sözlerine devam etti. “Ya da geri ölümlülerin arasına dönüp kıyamet günü gelene kadar bir hayalet olarak dolaşabilirsin. Seçim senin.” Adam şimdi onu dikkatle süzüyordu ve Alice hayatında en zor kararla karşılaştığına kanaat getirdi.

Bir süre sonra bir karara vardı. “Ben beni görebilecek kişiler arasında olmayı tercih ederim.” dedim ve adamın yüzünde bir ışıltılı gülümseme yayıldı. “Güzel, ne zamandır buraya gelen çocukların bir anne figürüne ihtiyaç duyduklarını düşünüyordum!” dedi.

“Buraya çocuklar mı geliyor?” “Evet, seveceğin türden.” Alice gülümsedi.

“Tam ban göre bir yer.”

SON

Trouble Weekend (english project)

I was disappointed when I was informed that I had to spend my whole weekend with them. I was looking forward to getting a different job than this but fate had other plans. Instead I had to spend my whole weekend with the nightmares of the country. The Harold twins, or ‘Little Devils’ as people have started to name them…

How I got into this job? Because no one would take a 14 year old girl who had skipped grades till she reached university at the age of 10 seriously and be kind enough to give her a job. The last option I had to resort to was babysitting. I was dreaming of having my own lab but for that I need money, or prove people that they are wrong, that a child could do so much more then they could ever think!

I became a genius because I had been a bookworm ever since I could remember and have been anti-social all the time which gave me more time to study.

I sighed as I opened the gate that lead towards the garden which belonged to the mansion the twins lived in with their rich family. ‘At least some people have it easy…’ I thought as I caught sight of the two twins seating together by the fountain and looking at me with big brown eyes. Both of them looked identical but I knew that twins could have different volume of voices and that kind of stuff. They had brown hair and a blue uniform, they had the type of shoes which rich people would have.

As they stared at me I caught sight of their hands moving behind them as their mouthes curled up into a devilish smirk. Suddenly they jumped off the side of the mountain and they rushed towards me as they yelled at the same time “THE BABYSITTER IS HERE!!!”

A few minutes later I was dragging them by the scruff of their neck as they screamed and wriggled around to get out of my grip but when I folded them by their pressure point they weren’t able to move. The sticks were left behind broken and forgotten. The moment I stepped on to the staircase the door was opened by their father who had a mischievous glint in his eyes as he smiled. “I see that we have found the perfect baby sitter for those two.”

A first step for humanity, somebody realises how much useful I could be!

My mouth curled into a cold smirk. “Everything has a price, this situation is no exception.”
He kept smiling at me warmly “Of course, but how about we first put those boys back to their rooms and talk this in the living room?”

After the troublemakers were left for the housemaids we went to the living room where I saw a woman who I assumed was their mother. We sat down on the couch were I felt uncomfortably small, I wondered how people could stand huge places like this. I felt like a child, I know I’m a child, but I never acted like one.

Before we could start a conversation the woman laughed which made me look at her confusedly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just remembered how you ‘disciplined’ my two boys.” then she sighed. “I’m not as energetic as the old days so I can’t keep up with them. They have been staying in this house with only elder people. Maybe It’s time we had someone our age in our home.” she said.

I smiled again. “I’m sorry madam, but we haven’t talked about the price yet.” I saw both of them looking at each other as if they had a surprise for me, I knew it was a ridiculous thought but I had a hunch it was something like that. “In return of you taking responsibility of our two children…” their mouths curled into a smirk “…we will make you a part of our family, in other words we will adopt you.”

I was drinking tea that one of the maids had brought when they said this and this caused me to almost drown. Adopt me? No one even took a look at me when I was in the orphanage, this was the best news of my life!

I quickly calmed down and took out my hand for shake “I accept this challenge.” I said, my voice filled with determination. The mother smiled “You better win, I’ve always wanted a daughter to have a proper lady chat.” she joked. “Then I will do my best ma’am.”

————

Later on I found myself reading a book to the twins who were surprisingly listening carefully.
“No one knew what happened to the woman after she disappeared, all that was left behind of her was a necklace shaped like a snake, the end.” I closed the book. One of the twins asked a question. “Was that women Medusa in disguise?” I smiled. “Not quite, her magic was able to do more than changing people into stones but then again who knows? Legends could change after time passes.” The other twin piped up. “Say, we heard that you’re a girl genius and that you’ve already finished school…” “…and that you were an orphan…””…is it hard being like that?”

I sighed “You guys don’t even know the half of it. Sometimes I would rather know nothing or at least know only a bit of information. But I doubt that would happen since you can’t change the past.” I saw they were going to ask another question I quickly answered. “I tried the time machine idea, didn’t worked and I almost died.” I said as the twins quickly closed their mouthes.

Then they asked another question. “You know, we like you a lot and we would like you as our sister.” “Yeah, we could also learn those cool moves you used against us!” I smiled. “You know, I’m not much of a talkative person so don’t blame me if I bore you out.”

“OK!” they said in unison. “But you will also have to help us out wit our pranks since you’re practically a master mind.” I smirked “Deal!”

The weekend went better then I thought it would. The woman was right when she said the twins could be nice when you got to know them. At the end of the weekend I was part of a family that I have always wished to have and this gave me the ability to prove people not to underestimate children as I had money to prove that now and I was given opportunities to work at labs but I didn’t want to leave my family behind so I turned them away politely.

Now I’m the happiest person alive.

THE END

Ölüm Sözleri

Bir zamanlar gençtim,
Bunu okuyan kişiler kadar kanlı canlı ve enerji dolu bir insandım.
Sonra bir gün geldi ve ne zamandır bakmadığım bir aynaya sabahleyin baktım ve normalde gördüğüm o gencecik güzel yüzümü kırışıklıklar içinde buldum. Bir ani şok yaşadım, ama ne olduğunu kavrayana kadar sürdü sadece.

Artık gençliğim yoktu, o eskiden bilgiye açlık duyan bir hissin yerini yorgunluk almıştı, gözlerim bilgeydi ve aynaya baktığım uzun sürede bana uzun bir hikaye anlatıyorlardı.
Ama taa kalbimin derinliklerinde eskiden olduğundan daha büyük bir gençlik hissi vardı genede.
Sanki ben ne kadar yaşlandıysam o his de o kadar büyüdü…
Belki ölüme yakın olduğum içindir, ya da içim kaçınılmaz gerçeği inkår etmeye çalışıyordur…

Aman her neyse, bunu o kadar uzatmamam lazım!Ne de olsa şu anda Ölümle randevumu geciktirmem imkånsız.

İnsanların ölümün o kadar korkutucu olmadığını bilmelerini istiyorum, özellikle yaşamın her anının tadını çıkartıysanız uzun eğlenceli bir yolculuk gibi görünür gözünüze.

O sırada nasıl yolculuk ettiğimizden emin değilim.

Belki genç hale geri dönüyoruzdur.

Belki bir kayıkla efsanevi denizleri geziyordur.

vesaire vesaire…

Ben bunları şu anda bilmiyorum, bildiğim zamanda muhtemelen paylaşamayacağımdır.

Son bir söz, hayatınızın son anına geldiğinizde hatırlayın ki gözlerinizin arkada değilde ön tarafta olmasının bir nedeni vardır.

Şimdi gitmem gerek, Ölüm biraz sabırsızlanmaya başladı da…

——————————–

Nasssııııılllll? ;D

Bu şah eserimi günlerdir düşünüyordum onun için umarım seversinizdir.

Hayallerin Buluştuğu Yer

Buluşalım bir gün,

Mavi ağlayan,

Kıpkırmızı kanayan,

Sarı kadar gülen,

Ve dikenleri eksik olmayan güllerin bulunduğu yerde…

Buluşalım bir gün,

Gümüş yol gösteren,

Altın akan,

Ve hikayelerimizi yansıtan suların bulunduğu yerde…

Buluşalım bir gün,

Kuşların şarkı söylediği,

Şiirlerimizi okudukları,

Ve uzaktan gelen maceraları anlattıkları yerde…

Buluşalım bir gün,

Bir olabileceğimiz,

Özgürce dolaşabileceğimiz,

Hayallerimizin buluştuğu yerde…

———–

Bu şiir aklıma gelen bir fikirdir.